The Comfort Zone

Does anyone else besides me remember that song by Vanessa Williams? Loved it (in fact, I’m playing it as I write this blog)! But trust me when I say the Comfort Zone is not always a welcome place. In fact, it can be downright stagnating. How many times have you really wanted to do something, or been on your way to some sort of success, only to talk yourself out of it, convince yourself it can’t be done, back out, or do something that sabotages your efforts? For instance, do you have a big dream that you’ve been talking about for years that you constantly deem to difficult to achieve for one reason or another. Or, have you ever lost a significant amount of weight, only to see yourself turn around and gain it all back, and more? This is the comfort zone at work.

You see, the Comfort Zone will either keep you, or pull you back to, where you are most comfortable, even if it is someplace you’d rather not be. You don’t really want to be in debt, but you’re comfy there. You don’t really want to be overweight, but you’re comfy there. You don’t really want to keep talking about what you “want to do” or what you’re “going to do”, but that’s comfortable too. You know what it feels like, you know who you are, you know the routine, it’s easy and it doesn’t require you make any changes. And despite the fact that you may not want to be there – it may not be the ideal situation – believe it or not, you will actually fight to stay there. Why? Because you’re comfortable there!

This used to be my MO. Whenever something good would finally come into my life I either failed to act on it in a timely manner, turned it down altogether, or I would find a way to sabotage it. The crazy thing is that I always had very good reasons why. You see, self-sabotage always comes in the form of logic. My mind would never say ‘Hey, Kathy, do that so you can assure you’ll never achieve your goal’. If I heard that, surely an alarm would go off. No. Self-sabotage is very logical, and sneaky. It preys on your fears (you don’t have the money, it won’t work out, you’re too busy, just this one time won’t make a difference, it’s not the right time, that’s a crazy idea, it’s too hard, you can’t pull this off, and so forth) so that when you hear it, you’ll think, ‘That makes sense. It must be true’. And where does that leave you? Where you’re comfortable: Doing the same old thing.

So, why is it that the things you want the most for your life, or to change about your life, are things you tend to sabotage? Because you are afraid of the unknown. You are afraid of being outside of your comfort zone. When you are out of your comfort zone, how do you act, what do you say, how will people react, who will you be, what’s going to happen, will you succeed? There are a lot of unanswered questions to which you don’t have answers. And without answers, you are left squarely in the Uncomfort Zone (that’s not a song). So, in order to get back to the comfort zone, to get back to the familiar, you self-sabotage. As one friend put it to me recently, “You dance with the devil you know.”

We all have comfort zones. We all have someplace that is safe and familiar to us. The question on the table seems to be: How do you get out of it? First you have to figure out what, or where, yours is. Is it unhealthy relationships, drama-filled situations, being overweight or in debt, negativity and complaining, not pursuing your dreams (but talking and thinking about them all the time), never taking any risks, being perpetually unhappy, or something else altogether? What is that place in your life where, although it does not make bring you happiness or fulfillment, you tend to continue to dwell? Next you have to start recognizing your self-sabotaging and fearful efforts (disguised as logic and truth), and you have to call yourself on them. You have to get truthful with yourself. Telling the truth is not an easy thing to do because sometimes the truth is ugly, and uncomfortable, but there is also freedom in the truth. Acknowledging your fears, excuse-making, bad habits, nasty attitude, and the like is the first step to freeing yourself from the comfort zone. The comfort zone thrives on your denial.

The next two steps are that you must create an action plan for change. What steps are you going to take in order to reach your goal? And don’t just think about them in your head write them down. Do you need to do some research, make some calls, or read some books? Do you need to buy groceries and plan your meals ahead of time? Wake up earlier to get your workout in? Do you need to go back to school or do some networking? What are those steps that you have been unwilling to take in the past that will inevitably lead you to where you want to be? Two tips: don’t try to change or pursue more than one thing at a time, and don’t overwhelm yourself with too many steps at once. After you have your plan of action, get ready to be in the Uncomfort Zone. Accept up front that all change brings about discomfort. But discomfort is growth it is not a threat to your success. Like anything else, you have to push through it.

The comfort zone is like a needle in a groove. Unless you keep an eye on the record, the needle is going to keep finding its way back to the groove, playing the same thing over and over again. Some people are able to pull themselves out of the rut, face discomfort, and forge a new path. They just decide. If you’re convinced you’re you’re one of them, but the right time or opportunity just hasn’t come along yet for you to change, you’re fooling yourself (i.e. you’re in denial – and, most likely, in the comfort zone). How much longer are you going to stay in our comfort zone? How many more hours, days, weeks, months, and years are going to watch go by before you shake off the denial? Think down the road five years. If there is any chance that you will have regrets over not pushing yourself to start changing your life, I hope you’ll start today taking the steps necessary to get out of your comfort zone.