Living in the Rearview Mirror

Spring is just around the corner! Can you feel it? The smell of fresh flowers, morning dew and sunshine. The feeling of fresh starts, renewal and hope. That being said, I think it’s the perfect time to talk about where you are going in life. You see, sometimes we forget to talk about where we’re going. We get bogged down in talking about where we’ve been or where we are. And not that there’s no value in having those discussions, but there are time when those discussions are the only ones we’re having. Especially the conversation about where we’ve been. Many of you spend an awful lot of times looking in the rearview mirror.

When I speak of living in the rearview mirror, I’m talking about the rearview mirror of life. It is where many of you are looking when you think and talk about your life; you are looking back and analyzing all of your past choices and actions. You are remembering (some of you over and over) your mistakes, mourning lost opportunities, or reliving the pain of your missteps. And you are, possibly, thinking about how much better your life would be had you done something different, or made a different choice. It is where all the “should haves” and “what ifs” live. And it is also where regret and disappointment live.

Are you living in the rearview mirror? How do you know? Listen closely to your words. Do you make a lot of past references? How many times do you hear yourself saying, “Well, what if such-and-such had happened” or, “I should have taken the time to do such-and-such”? Do you feel past mistakes or choices affect how you feel about yourself, or your opportunities, today? Do you think a different choice made in the past would have helped your life to turn out so much differently, or better? Do you feel like you’re behind in achieving your goals, or becoming successful? Do you have regrets that occupy your thoughts? If any of these examples describe you – and these are just a random few – then you are living in your rearview mirror.

Ever heard the saying, “It is what it is”? Probably so. And you may even think it is way overused. But it does hold a very important message; a message that seems to get lost when people are trying to be clever or trite. You see, the rearview mirror is an illusion – a distraction. And furthermore, “should haves” and “what ifs” do not even exist. They are fantasies. A different choice that would have made your life turn out so much better, or differently, does not exist. A different action that would have catapulted you to success does not exist. There is only what is. Whatever happened happened. Whatever you did, it’s done. Whatever choice you made, it’s made. And no amount of talking about it, thinking about it, analyzing it, replaying it, regretting it, lamenting it, or being ashamed of it is going to change anything. What’s done is done. You cannot change anything in that rearview mirror.

There are many reasons the front windshield of your car is so large and the rearview mirror is so tiny. One being the front windshield is showing you where you are going. And you have to stay focused on it in order to arrive safely where you want to go. You are only meant to glance into your rearview mirror every once in a while. You are not meant fixate on it. But many of you are having difficulty staying focused on where you are going. You are having difficulty accepting “what is”. You are having trouble accepting what’s done is done. You are so far in the rearview mirror that you are missing out on the opportunities you have everyday to make your life better.

I’m going to give you a little tip to help get you on the right track: if you don’t like what’s going on in your life today, don’t look to the rearview mirror for answers, or relief. Because no matter how many times you challenge the rearview mirror with “what ifs” and “should haves” the outcome will be the same. You will still be right where you are. And whatever situation you are in - good, bad, or otherwise – will still be your situation. Leave the past where it is. You cannot change it. What you can change is your future. But only if you can stop looking in the rearview mirror long enough to realize that every day you wake up you are given another opportunity to take your life in a new direction. Looking in the rearview mirror will cause us to make the same mistakes over and over again because the view is limited, small, and biased against us. But if we can face forward and angle that rearview mirror so as not to be tempted to get fixated on it, we will see the opportunities that are given to us every day to take our lives in a new direction. It does take practice, though. You have to be willing to give yourself a second chance. Neither you nor your life is the sum total of your mistakes or perceived poor choices. And it is so damaging to our spirits to live with the regret, shame, and disappointment of the rearview mirror, especially while you are still being offered the opportunity, every day, to change things for yourself.